Just do it!

I set up this blog months ago, after becoming obsessed with the other lap band blogs I read. I had every intention to update my progress (with pics) a few times a week. I knew how therapeutic it was for me to read about experiences other "banders" have, and knew I would benefit form looking back on my own journey as well.

Why then have I not written a single post?

The only answer that I have came up with that makes any since is I am scared. Scared to fail, scared to dream, scared to open myself up...even scared to be ratted out to the people in my life I have not shared this decision with.

I only really feel guilty about not telling two people that I've been banded. The first is my BFF. We have been friends for 17 years (wow, are we getting old!). I opened up and told her all of the things I had to to be approved for the surgery, and how devastated I was to find out I was denied by my insurance company in Jan of '07. She didn't say much either way about what I had told her, so I left her out of the loop this time around. The other friend is someone battling a weight issue, too. I guess I feel guilty for being able to have this "helper" inside of me, when she is going at it alone. We have started walking together and even joined a Mom's Dance Class, but I feel like a fraud. I think I am going to work on opening up to her in the next week or so. I know she wont judge me, I just feel sad not everyone has the financial means to get banded!

All of my family knows and supports (at least now they do) my decision to have the surgery. They see how it is changing me, and giving me back parts of myself that were buried inside. I am not by any means the same person I was 3 1/2 months ago, before this amazing surgery, and I am not naive to think I will be the same at its conclusion. The 36 pounds I have lost are just the beginning. I am on a mission to find a healthy, more confident woman inside myself!