M.I.A.

You know the story...lots to do, little time, means no bloggin! Hard to believe my last blog was in December! So much has changed!!!

Grad school is going well. I spent a few days in KY and was able to eat the down-home food that was provided for us. I did gain 3 lbs while I was there...not too bad, but it stuck around for 6 weeks! Yikes, I know!

I went to have my 1 year check with Dr. Choban and she was very happy with my weight loss. I told her about my 6 week plateau, and she thought it was time for a fill. I was expecting a .25cc fill like the last time, but she put in .5cc. I should have told her that I thought it might be too much, but I was a little excited about it, too.

I have had a handful of stuck experiences, mostly when I have not followed band rules. I hit the 100 lb weight loss last month (14 months post op) and was really excited about that! My dad even sent me a check for 100$ (one for each lb lost) and a sweet card telling me how proud he is of me and my efforts.

I finally went shopping yesterday, and bought two outfits and a third shirt. I was shocked, but they were size 14! Woot! Big change from 26/28! I might start getting brave and put a few pics on here...before and after type pics are fun, but really hard for me to look at. I still can't believe where I was a year ago!

Something happened yesterday that hit me really hard. I was at the local Walmart getting my nails done (something else I started when I hit the 100 lb mark) and the Asian man doing my nails stopped and looked at a lady in one of the motor carts. He looked back at me, shaking his head, and said "so big!" I looked to see what he was talking about, and I knew. My heart broke. I felt so bad for that lady. The nail tech didn't stop. He said several comments about "why she not diet" and "lots so fat" I sat there listening to him, trying to figure out what to say.

I was so mad...mad at him for feeling so superior for being a "normal" size, but mad at myself for not going off on him. The only thing I said was "it is really hard." I sat there for the next 10 minutes thinking how many time had someone made that same comment about me. My heart broke over and over again!

I wonder when I will ever have the confidence to stand up against prejudice. That is exactly what it is...prejudice against heavy people. Fueled by the same ignorance that the Asian man may have experienced at some point in his life, but somehow looked upon as acceptable. What a shame!

I admit that there was a little part of myself that felt excited that he looked at me as "normal" sized, too. Not because I care what society thinks of me, but because my outside is starting feel as beautiful as my inside has always been!