Fast Forward!

I know that it has been forever since I have updated this blog...heck, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone has deleted me from their list of blogs they follow...but I am back!

I feel like there are so many things that have happened during the last few months that I could never catch everyone up. So, I am going to cheat and copy a blurb from lapbandtalk.com that I wrote to catch friends up there.

Ok, I have waited and waited to post this...mostly because it all seems surreal...but tomorrow is the big day!

I'll arrive at the surgeon's office at 7:30am, to have my out-patient plastic surgery! As you can see from the title of my post, I am having a hip to hip tummy tuck, the girls lifted with implants and a small thigh lift. The grand total should be 6 hours under epidural anesthesia, for roughly 14k.

I am really excited, a little nervous, but mostly ready to get the show on the road. My LAP-BAND® sx was 2 years ago, and I was successful in losing 125lbs. I have always been apple-shaped, and the weight loss has left me with a less-than-thrilling apron. Following my consultation with my PS, I decided to go for the gusto and get the works! I plan on taking before pics tonight, and will post them when I get home from sx.

Well, I guess starting this post makes it all real...I better get moving on the to-do list! Talk to you all soon!

When I got home from the hospital, I posted this:

Hi guys! I am home from the surgery, and everything went well! I never was really scared today. The entire surgery center team was first class! Very friendly and they took every opportunity to make sure my needs were being me!

I am percocet for pain, and phenergan for nausea. So far, no nausea...and that is a very good thing. I hate to puke! So far the pain I am having is near my arm pits, and I would say 2/10. Mostly when I take a deep breath or need to use my arms to get up. The other pain is more of a burning feeling in my incisions in my inner thigh. This is even present at rest, but I would say that is also a 2 or 3/10.

Thanks for the well wishes, and yes, I will post before pics in a few day when I can take the binder off. Thanks again, Niki

So I am two days post op now, and have had an amazing experience. I took my dressings off and got my first look at the results. The girls are very swollen! I am hoping they settle down soon! LOL My belly is ok. I was always very concerned about looking "boxy" and I am still a little worried about skin that might be left under my breasts. I LOVE MY NEW BELLY BUTTON! How funny is that to say??? And my favorite part so far is my thighs. It is funny because we were not going to do them at first, but decided that I really wanted to be able to wear a bathing suit and feel comfortable...and I LOVE them!

Yes, Russ did take pics, and if you would like to take a peek let me know. I plan on posting them on LBT.com, too.

Thanks for the support!

Niki

Crazy...just Crazy!!!

Hello again!

So September is here, summer is all but gone, and life is amazing! I hit my "goal" weight about two months ago. I don't remember the exact day, which seems kinda crazy. After dreaming about it for years, you would thing I would have hired someone to write it in the sky! Nope. Just another day. Actually, I think I jumped right past it. LOL!

I am currently down 125 pounds! CRAZY! I know!!! I have not seen this number on the scale, since...well, very early High School, maybe Middle School! I didn't think it was even an option at this point in my life, but here I am!

Is it hard to live here, at goal? NO, not at all! Life is amazing! I have so much energy and zest for life. I am such a happier person...I catch myself smiling for no reason at all! My kids love having a fun Mom who is not afraid to get up and dance with them in public, take them anywhere and everywhere because I don't feel like people are looking at me and I can be a good role model for what I want my kids to have in their lives!

I eat well, and have not had a "pb" in prob a month! That is good news for me, because I know my band is not too tight. I tend not to eat much in the morning, eat something small for lunch and them a good dinner. Usually I have a snack at night, too. Whatever I am doing, it working well and that makes me a happy camper!

I am eating a lot of fish right now, almost as if I crave it. I do use tarter sauce and it usually is breaded, but I don't eat anything else with it. I figure the breading is my carbs and the tarter sauce is my fat. This has helped me get my protein in, and in doing so, my hair loss has really slowed down!

This post is turning into a novel, but I wanted to document one last thing! This weekend we went home to Toledo for the first time in a while. While we were there, I head CRAZY things like I was "too thin" and that my face was looking sunken' in. Oh, and that I was looking old, too. LOL. Can you believe it? Too thin? I don't think so. Now, do I want to lose anymore weight? Nope, I want to just maintain my weight loss and eventually have PS to remove the extra skin. I know this will cause me to lose on the scale, but it is just deflated skin, so my "real body" won't change much.

Crazy stuff to think about!
Niki

Feelin' Good!

It is hard to believe that it is already July!!! Where has the summer gone? I have been so busy, and have had MAJOR changes in my life, but no time to blog about that now...

I wanted to write about two things that happened in the last week that have left me feeling fantastic!!!

The other day our family spent the day at the local pool/water park. I felt pretty good wearing my suit, at least better than years past, but I was still worried about the extra skin you can see when I wear it. I tried to put that out of my mind and just have fun with my family. After about 10 min, my hubby looked at me with a shitty grin, and said " you are a MILF!" It took me a min to figure out what he said, but when I did, I just LOL!!! One, my hubby doesn't use the "f" word, so it was a little shocking...but more importantly, it make me feel good that my hubby was proud to have me at his side! (extra skin and all!)

One other night this week, we were goofing around before bedtime (like we always do) and I jumped on Russ' back. He turned around and looked at me with this face of amazement. He couldn't believe how light I was. He proceeded to pick me up on his back and dance and run around the house. I was laughing so hard! Not only did it feel good to let go and have some fun, but it has been years since someone has lifted me up like that. I felt like such a girl...and it felt great!

On the weight loss front, I am down 119! I am really excited that I only have 2 lbs to lose before I am at the goal I set for myself at the start of this journey! I am really going to look into PS before long. I don't want to spend another summer with my tire. LOL!

There are days that I wonder if I am too tight. I tend to have a PB about two or three times a month...mostly if I let myself get too hungry and eat too fast! For now, I am going to work on just slowing down, and not waiting for that bad hunger to set in!

More later!
Love, Niki

M.I.A.

You know the story...lots to do, little time, means no bloggin! Hard to believe my last blog was in December! So much has changed!!!

Grad school is going well. I spent a few days in KY and was able to eat the down-home food that was provided for us. I did gain 3 lbs while I was there...not too bad, but it stuck around for 6 weeks! Yikes, I know!

I went to have my 1 year check with Dr. Choban and she was very happy with my weight loss. I told her about my 6 week plateau, and she thought it was time for a fill. I was expecting a .25cc fill like the last time, but she put in .5cc. I should have told her that I thought it might be too much, but I was a little excited about it, too.

I have had a handful of stuck experiences, mostly when I have not followed band rules. I hit the 100 lb weight loss last month (14 months post op) and was really excited about that! My dad even sent me a check for 100$ (one for each lb lost) and a sweet card telling me how proud he is of me and my efforts.

I finally went shopping yesterday, and bought two outfits and a third shirt. I was shocked, but they were size 14! Woot! Big change from 26/28! I might start getting brave and put a few pics on here...before and after type pics are fun, but really hard for me to look at. I still can't believe where I was a year ago!

Something happened yesterday that hit me really hard. I was at the local Walmart getting my nails done (something else I started when I hit the 100 lb mark) and the Asian man doing my nails stopped and looked at a lady in one of the motor carts. He looked back at me, shaking his head, and said "so big!" I looked to see what he was talking about, and I knew. My heart broke. I felt so bad for that lady. The nail tech didn't stop. He said several comments about "why she not diet" and "lots so fat" I sat there listening to him, trying to figure out what to say.

I was so mad...mad at him for feeling so superior for being a "normal" size, but mad at myself for not going off on him. The only thing I said was "it is really hard." I sat there for the next 10 minutes thinking how many time had someone made that same comment about me. My heart broke over and over again!

I wonder when I will ever have the confidence to stand up against prejudice. That is exactly what it is...prejudice against heavy people. Fueled by the same ignorance that the Asian man may have experienced at some point in his life, but somehow looked upon as acceptable. What a shame!

I admit that there was a little part of myself that felt excited that he looked at me as "normal" sized, too. Not because I care what society thinks of me, but because my outside is starting feel as beautiful as my inside has always been!

Holiday Time!

Hello everyone! I know that this is a busy time of year for everyone, but I just wanted to take a minute to update my blog...just incase someone checks in on me!

Last week I went to see Dr. Choban. I was pretty sure I didn't want a fill, but thought I would let her be the judge. I told her that I was not hungry at all until the afternoon. I told her that I do have a tiny problem with head hunger at night, but that it was not a band-problem, just a me-problem. I also told her that I didn't think I needed a fill, but I was afraid NOT to get one, mostly because my insurance will be changing in January and fills will no longer be covered.

She listened to everything I said and to my surprise she suggested that I get a tiny fill. She put .25cc in me. So far I am doing well with it. I have not had any problems, but I really need to work had to eat the right food. Yesterday, I ate ham at a dinner with my Dad, and it went down fine. The day before I ate a chicken leg with no problems. Both of these dinners were served with yummy side dishes that were MUCH easier to eat. I know that it is going to be an effort to get 70gms of protein in now, but I am going to have to give it my best effort. I guess that means back to protein bars and shakes!

As the weight continues to come off (last week I was down 85lbs!) the skin left behind becomes more of an issue. I am still wearing size 18 clothes, although most come off without unbuttoning them! I put a pain of 16 jeans on yesterday and they were baggy in the butt and legs, but gave me a little muffin top. What to do? I guess I will wear my 18's for now and look for the spanks my mom got me last year for christmas. Maybe that will be enough support to control the skin at that top of my jeans and I can wear more of the 16's I have in my closet!

I did talk to Dr. Choban about the skin, and she suggested waiting for 2 years before getting it removed! You can imagine how devastated this made me! She said that the band is a three-year-weight-loss plan, and that I am not even a year out yet. She said that I would want to be closer to goal (I guess her goal and my weight goal are different) before surgery. She also said that I have lost weight closer to a bypass patient and that if I get my protein in, some of the skin will tighten back up. I sure hope this is the case for my arms and legs, but I really think my tummy is a lost cause!

I hope this post was not too much for you guys...I know some of you are not and have never been overweight. These concepts must be completely foreign to you. To me, this has been something I have been struggling with since third grade (at least that is the first time I remember my mom putting me on a diet). Having food lose its control over me has been an amazing blessing that I thank the Lord for every day!

Coming Out

I had a NSV last night at dance class for my DD. I followed Jenna into the bathroom to help her change clothes and the owner of the studio came in after me. I turned around and she was toe to toe with me...and in a soft voice said "ok, me and Becky (the front desk girl) want to know what you are doing to lose all of this weight."

I was taken so off guard. I think this was the first time someone I was not "out" to said something about it. I chuckled and told her that is was a combo of having the LAP-BAND®, eating 1500 ish cals a day and working out. She seemed to only hear the LAP-BAND® part and was full of questions. I gladly answered them and then she left to go back out in the studio.

After she left I wanted to cry. I was not sure if it was an emotional release of the joy that comes with how far I have came, or if I was worried that the small town dance studio would be buzzing with the news of my surgery! Either way, I wondered how I would handle it when the day came, and I guess I got my answer!

Other news, I am officially down 81.2 lbs! Yeah Me!
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Scale down!

After what seems like forever, the scale moved again today! Yipee! Down 78.2 lbs! I have ate a bit more calories lately because I was wondering if that was the problem, and success!